About a year and a half ago, my boyfriend texted me asking what I look for in a partner. Sitting on my couch, with pimple cream on my face and Frasier in my ear, I was caught completely off guard and rattled off a response to the effect of: “Someone caring and supportive and with whom I can build a life.” Vague then and vague now. …

An institution so outdated, I am constantly surprised whenever I hear word of two people getting engaged. Yet, they do. Continuously, and seemingly only more so during the pandemic as wedding plans are postponed, creating a backlog of aisle-walkers-to-be. On the first day of my Intro to Sociology course, my professor Cory (it was a sociology class) handed out a multipage article detailing the high cost and level of manipulation in the wedding industry that then delved into the socioeconomic origins of marriage and ended with the conclusion that marriage was equivalent to being stuck in quicksand.

I grew up…

Words matter a lot to me.

I spend too much time thinking about them, the meanings behind them, their uses in different phrases, how they’re used to communicate completely abstract things like feelings…

I think I spent most of my life thinking that I didn’t need others’ positive words because they were absent anyway. And I could supply my own. Self-love, right?

But here’s what I learned: no matter how much compassion I gave myself, how many compliments I wrote down as statements, and how much I believed them, it didn’t replace the fact that I needed to hear them…

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” he said, reaching across the taxi seat to pat my knee — the friendliest, most “don’t worry about it” gesture he could think to make after gulping down three $14 gin and tonics at the only bar we’d been able to find open in Toronto on a Thursday night.

I had met him at Union Station about four hours earlier. I had spent the better part of the afternoon cleaning and tidying my residence bedroom, desperately attempting to bleach the anxiety out of myself. …

franglophone

Usually writing about love & relationships, mental illness, art and women.

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